“Good entertainment”
Bright light hit the eyes. Air with a painful strange feeling filled the light. Inhale, one more, more. A feeling of pain, unfamiliar with other new sensations, flashes appearing in the head. Awkward movements with arms and legs, not accustomed to this, undeveloped. Then delight. Crystal-clean, free from all outsider, light and all-consuming. He is replaced by resentment, tearful, almost eternal, but passing in the blink of an eye.
The whole world around is incredible, unknown and unknowable. Step by step, he grows around, the visible boundaries erased, and he continues to grow everything. Energy beats with a key. Joy is bright and unrestrained, replaced by resentment – fast and painless, then curiosity replaces it – tickling the insides that moves all the members in the direction it needed in the direction it needs. Anger, delight, boredom, anticipation – all one after another, every time the first.
Fear. Rolling through the body, he sits at one point, drilles, gnaws, and then cowardly hides, waits in the wings, slowly stretches out of the shelter in all directions. Shame-enveloping, knocking the soil from under the feet and pursuing the back of the head. Anger-looking for a way out, forcing to wave his fists, scream, hate, but gradually leaving, cooling, remaining weak coals somewhere deep, ready to get down to business again.
Curiosity was peeled, the boundaries of the world are visible, delighted, fed up, fed up. I want something sharper, something forbidden. And not only that. Lust flows through the veins, fills the dreams, Sulia Bliss, encouraging to act, mixing with everything that is able to reach. Something else enters with her in the struggle, only crowding, but without driving away, taking up a place for itself and intertwining, pushing everything that can interfere with his symbiosis with his symbiosis. Slowing down the course of time alone, mercilessly accelerating when the least you want. Exacerbating the longing under the skin, releasing jealousy exploding inside and fiery vortex beating in the head. Fear, relentless and invincible, is chosen from his Nor, modifies, building fantasies that cause pain. Bliss and rapture save from this monster. Delight, joy, ecstasy, celebration circle their head, making moments unforgettable, filling with light every second.
Despair with thickened clouds covers everything. There is no longer visible in this dusk, there is no place for joy left. It crushed to the ground and does not allow to move, does not allow to believe that it will not last forever, awakens anger, scatters indifference around, tortures.
But the sun appears again on the horizon. It can be seen that around you can move on. And again everything falls into place. And again it all starts again. Not so enthusiastic, but quite good and definitely not so painful. This whirlwind picks up and carries, carries towards the future in which everything is clear and thoughtful. Until the whirlwind in an instant does not disappear. Leaving a confusion and bewilderment instead. Ahead of the emptiness, behind the illusion. All plans have lost meaning, all ideals have depreciated. Fear of which time reminds how much it is tenacious. He no longer left a single corner untouched. He waits ahead when the failure befell, he is behind, recalling the failures of those who had failed, he whispers right here and now that there is nowhere to go. Disappointment, anxiety, uncertainty and hopelessness clutched and are trying to tear apart.
Dropping them from yourself, you hardly wipe through the quagmire of meaninglessness, step by step move on step. The routine holds out his hands, enclosing in arms, driving away fear with its pack and not letting go, starting to strangle slowly persistently and disgusting. The hugs are shrinking unnoticed, and when it becomes too late, it remains only to twitching hopelessly. Twisted – rested, the grip slightly weakened, jerked – distracted a little more, but always returning back. Everything else has not disappeared, everything that was and appeared from the very beginning, changed, matured, dulled. All this continues to delight, sadden, excite, depress, interest, to avert. There are new ideals, there are new goals, new hobbies. It seems that the routine retreats, weakens, but only it seems. Slightly unclenching the arms, it is enough what served as salvation and stains it in its colors. It turns what came from outside to part of itself into vile and suffocating processes. Humility comes when there is no strength left. Relaxing, drown in her arms and start swimming.
The stream gradually grinds inside the cracks, aching and surrendering to pain, grinds in a dusty feelings. Memories burn brightly in my head, all to one piercing in pleasant colors, blocking the dull grayness of a faded environment. There were a lot of them, sometimes, faced with each other, they get confused, sometimes the light breaks out of grayness, recalling that everything was not in vain. Cracks hurt more and more, interfere. Memories intertwined into a single round dance, closing the grayness around, transferring to their own beautiful world. Darkness breaks through them, ruthlessly and mercilessly pushing, pulling paws. The fear disappeared, only the humble expectation of the approaching darkness. Paws close to the heart and squeeze it for the last time.
– The trip is over! You can unfasten the seat belts and get up from your seats. Thank you for visiting our attraction. Come yet!
The best comments
Ava you have a friend, by chance it is not a drawing of Golum from the book “Hobbit: there and back”? I read it at school, a book from a school knitting needle.
I read the Lumberjack, I saw another story nearby https://nonukcasinosites.co.uk/casinos-without-swedish-license/ – not bad!
No longer a stream of consciousness – a stream of emotions or impressions. But everything is in order, it seems.
The ending is slightly knocking down, but it seems like I understand. Or not. Well, okay.
This is the point. More precisely in the possibility of interpreting as I want, I did not decide for myself exactly how to interpret the ending.